yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just threw up on my dentist
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
