can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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