Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
