It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also, beer. Big fan.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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