My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
