..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
