3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
