So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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