I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
