i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
