is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
