hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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