Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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