i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
