i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
