are you still at the devil's house?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
why is half of my head shaved?
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