ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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