Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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