I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
