It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
