I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What a dumb baby whore.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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