in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
