Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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