I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
