apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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