I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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