Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
