Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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