As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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