i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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