there's paper in my vomit.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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