Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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