WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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