WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
