He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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