Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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