Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
