I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
