whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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