i barfeds in our rink
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
