I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
