my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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