you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I will be naked everywhere
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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