He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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