i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
