i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
