AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
