After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
