I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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