dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
