Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
