Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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