Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
