sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
