and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize