I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
