i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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