I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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