Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
