someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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