Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
