i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
