it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
