ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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