Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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