My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
