i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
