Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
