Just cropdusted the office
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
