I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
